This will be the review/commentary on chapters 4-10. But before I start, let's set up a game you can play while reading. For every redundant phrase, plot hole and misspelled word you notice, take a sip of whatever beverage you have. I strongly don't recommend alcohol, because something tells me that's going to get you buzzed in less than 15 minutes.
Chapter 4 - The Avatar of the Yakuza
[What? Another series is going to be brought into this? Oh hell no.]
"Huuuu-haa!" her black hair wiped around like a black wip. There was a feirce look of constetration on her face as fire and air came out of her hands.
Denmark took Reicheru over to her, "Rei-kun" he said, "meet Korra, your new tutor in learning the dark arts of air and fire bending."
[*Concentration; *Fierce; *Whipped. I didn't know air and fire were considered dark elements. I'd rather bend Lithium anyday.]
"Konnichiwa! Watashinonamaeha Reicheru Ketsueki, sore wa anata ni aete ureshidesu!" Rei bowed, formally, her brown hair falling over like a silky waterfall.
[I don't speak Japanese. Sorry!]
"No, Rei-Kun, she CAN speak English."
"Oh, gomen-nasa- I mean- I'm sorry." Rei bowed again, "How are you, Korra?"
"I'm faaaaan-tastic!" She wizzed up in the air and shot flames out of her hands. "I am ready to make you the most lethal assassin! Besides me, of course."
'hmh' Rei thought to herself, I'm already lethal...
Korra touched Demark on the cheeck, "you know, maybe you should join, too...we need some sexy men around here."
[I think you're missing some quotation around "I'm already lethal".]
"No, I think he's fine at home!" Reicheru snaped.
[*Inserts lame Harry Potter reference*. *Snapped.]
Anyway," Korra blinked her beautiful eyes, "I need to start training you! We could be best friends."
'hell no' Reicheru thought.
[You don't have to use apostrophes as quotation marks, just stick with the ones you're using.]
Catch, Reicheru!" Korra threw fire at her. Reicheru held out her hands and caught it, instantly freezing it with ice. "My, you are strong. Can you bend fire, too?"
"Of course I can! Nya on!" Reicheru lit a candle in her hands. "You see, my farther was a demon. My mother was part cat. I have the demon blood in me, I can start fires."
[*Father. Smokey the bear is not amused.]
"THAT'S SO AMAZING! You could be the next avatar." She cupped Rei's hands. "I can feel it within you."
"The power?" Reicheru looked puzzled and confused like a lost boy in the woods.
"No, but, nevermind that. It's tea-time!" Korra pranced off to fetch a tray of tea. 'What did she mean?' Reicheru thought.
In the tea room Korra spoke about herself. "You know" she said drinking some mint bubble-tea, "I have a secret, too."
"Oh, and what's that?" Reicheru looked at her curiously like a cat. Her ears twicthed.
"I'm part angel, really, I am. No one believes me, though." Korra sucked down a ball.
[Umm, is this character retcon considered okay? Actually, I haven't seen Korra so I don't know if that's canon. Probably not. Also, the word you're looking for is "swallowed".]
"You are? But you don't even have wings."
"Oh, but I do! I just keep them hidden so no one hunts me down and tries to rip them off. I can fly and I have the power to control light. I can't blood bend, though. Only demons can do that."
"I'm sure I can blood bend, then." Reicheru sucked on her bubble tea. There were sakura petals falling on them in the pink courtyard. It was a wonderful summer day. The breeze was just right and the air spoke of love.
"I hear your half-sister is an angel, too. Yuki, right?"
"Uhhuh. I love Yuki! She is an angel. Loving and great with people. You can't find anyone better than her." Reicheru sipped a little more.
"I hear you're trying to kill your dad." Korra's voice sofened into silk.
"Yes, he is the most terrible man. I always feel like he watching me, even on the toilet." They both heartidly laughed. "You know, at first I didn't think we were going to be friends."
After training they went home. 'Man that Korra is loopy.' Reicheru thought. The sweat of the workout had soaked her clothes through, conforming to her body.
Her silouette looked like that of a nakid woman.
"I hear you've gotten a new tutur," Inuyasha stepped out of the shadows. He was caught offguard by her beauty. "Oh, my, you look lovely."
They both blushed, then she said "domo arigato gozaimashita, Inu-sama."
"I couldn't get them to kill your father. I didn't have the money." He marveled at her in passion.
"It's okay, I want to do it myself. He needs to die."
Inuyasha turned away, "why did Denmark do this to us? I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wish we could train together again. I-I-I miss...you...Rei-Kun..."
"Did you just say...Rei-Kun?" Her ears perked up.
"Yes, I did," he said boldy, "I have feelings for you, feelings I've wanted to express since the day we met, all those years ago. You have captivated me in such a way no one has. Your beauty your intellegance, your passion, it's just amazing to me. We have so much in common and- oh -I have said too much, haven't I?"
[*Intelligence. Oh irony.]
"Perhaps..." inside, she was smileing. "Anyway, any luck with retrieving your woman?"
[*Smiling. I'm surprised you got a more complicated word like "retrieving" right.]
"You mean Kagome? No, not yet. Thank you for reminding me. I better go plan that out." Inuyasha lepted into the air and disappeared into the sky.
"Goodbye..." Reicheru whispered. She put her hands on her stomach. 'The power within me...' she whispered.
The Creators of Legend of Korra: Michael Dante DiMartino Bryan Konietzko
[Oddly enough, chapter five seems to have disappeared! No, seriously, where did it go?]
Chapter 6 - The Power Withing
Reicheru woke up in the hospital bed after having cut herself alot. There was bandages on her arms and legs.
[Oh no, not another fanfic that tosses self harm in just to make pointless drama. The proper phrase is "There were bandages", key word being "were".]
Her brown and turquoise hair was sweaty and messy.
She was wearing her sleep clothes: a red and black top with black pants that had antique writings on them that meant something in demonic tounge.
The sheets were soaked with blood and pain, she couldn't remember what happened the night before. She just remembers hating her father.
[Now she spells "soaked" correctly. Maybe she can spell, but doesn't have regard towards English. *Ahem* "Sleep clothes" are called "pajamas". The word "tongue" has been misspelled.]
"Wheres Denny-Kun?~Nya! I need my Denny-Kun!" she rolled over in the hospital gurney, scared and alone. Denmark must have fallen alseep somewhere in the lobby.
"Damnit," she hissed, "now I'm all alone, and in pain."
"Fear not, dear," Yuki came floating down from the ceiling on angle wings, "I am hear for you."
[*Angel. The word "here" is the one you're looking for.]
"Oh, half-sister Yuki! I've missed you so much! How have you been?" Reicheru asked.
"I've been alright, dear, but, I am more worried about you? Do you remember what happened?" Yuki smoothed out Rei's hair.
"I remember nothing but being scared and thinking about my father. And Inuyasha- I had a wonderful dream that we were having sex in my mouse on my bed."
[Poor mouse! If there is anything worse than a cat eating one, that sentence above is it! Congrats on making me squirt soda out of my nose with that. My sinuses haven't been this fizzed in... well... ever.]
Reicheru remembered everything that night, but, she didn't remember everything she had thought she remembered it.
"I cut myself because I was thinking about my father."
[Meanwhile, I know people who have cut themselves and I know authors who don't carelessly throw in self harm to gain sympathy for their character.]
"No," said Yuki, "you cut yourself because you had sex with Inuyasha, it wasn't a dream. Denmark came in and started yelling at you, then you took those pills and they made you forget everything that really happened."
[I'm really feeling bad for the poor mouse right now.]
"OH, GOD NO! Poor Denny-Kun, he must be scared. What ever will I do, Yuki?" They held hands and Reicheru cried into Yuki's arm.
At that moment Inuyasha came into the hospital room to check on Reicheru he was holding flowers.
[Abortions did occur in that era, whatever era they're in anyway. Since they somehow managed to create pills, I don't see why they wouldn't have any for birth control.]
"I hope you're okay Rei-Kun. After last night. Are you okay?" he wanted to hold her so bad but he didn't cause he thought it wouldn't be right.
"I'm fine. I'm sorry I got us in trouble, I should've said no. But you needed me."
"Reicheru I don't know what I would do without you. You're the only woman I can love."
[A hundred and thousand fish in the sea~ a hundred thousand fish~ you take one home --and... I couldn't think of any more lyrics. You get the metaphor, right?]
"NO, SHE IS MINE." Denmark busted into the room with bigger, better flowers. "You rat, devil! I hope Sesshomaru kills you and sucks your blood dry!"
[Love triangles, can't write love stories without 'em nowadays.]
"Just because I actually CARE about her?" Inuyasha crossed his arms in displeasure. Their eyes met and it was like suffocating ice. Everyone in the room could feel the tension between the two.
[I didn't know ice could breathe, LOL! Did you know Lithium is used in batteries as well as medicine?]
"No, because I love her! She loved me first and she shall love me last!" He threw the flowers at Reicheru, "You need to pick, between me and Inuyasha. Who do you love?"
They both stormed out of the room like thunder and lighting brothers that were fighting.
"They don't get it, I love both of them but my heart can only contain one man in my life." She looked at Yuki, teary-eyed.
[Forget monogamy! Why not take both and become a polyamorous group?]
"Don't worry Rei-chan, everything will be all right. You are the most brightest and strongest person I know. No one can bring you down, Rei."
[No one except the writer an reviewers! Also, more redundant phrasing! Oh how fun!]
"I think I need to take a drink, Yuki. Give me some saki please."
"I cant do that Rei." Yuki took the saki away from her.
[Apostrophe is needed in "can't". It's short for "cannot".]
"Why not? My life is very stressful!" She pouted and crossed her arms.
"Hun, there's something that you need to know," Yuki put her hand on Rei's stomach, "you are carrying Inuyasha's child."
"I'm...the mother of his child??"
[Of course! What did you think having sex would do? Stretch your vagina and make it spray confetti? So much for the "most brightest" character.]
Chapter 7 - The Rain Calls
It was the day of the baby shower, and everything was perfect. Yuki, Inuyasha, Kikiyo, Joken, and Korra surrounded Reicheru with presents.
"Thank you for comming everyone, I'm so happy you're here, especially you, Inuyasha." Reicheru smiled.
"Yes, I had ot fight my emotions but I felt like I needed to come, even though you've only been a little bit pregnant for a few days."
[Why only a few days?]
DING DONG, the doorbell rang and Inuyasha answered it. It was Rin and Shippo, they were 18 and in love with each other. Rin wore a red-rose dress and Shippo wore her cute yellow dress. Every since Sesshomaru turned evil Rin decided she'd rather be in love with a girl than him so she started dating Shippo.
"Oh look, its Rin and Shippo!" Inuyasha hugged them, "how's my favorite neace?"
"Great, uncle Inu-Sama!" Shippo jumped into his arms and he twirled her around. "Hello, Rei! You look so lovely, even though your pregnant."
[*You're. Also, is having a baby bump a defining trait of ugliness? I never thought it was.]
"I feel a bit like a mess and Demmark didn't come because he's still angry." Reicheru sighed.
"I can still feel the power within you" Korra rubbed Rei's belly, "this baby is growing stonger every day and I want to be it's godmother."
"Of course you can be it's godmother, next to Yuki, of course. It suits you guys cause your both angles."
[Since you keep misspelling "angel" so much, I wonder if those characters are right or obtuse.]
In the meanwhile...
Sesshomaru laughed wickedly, "those stupid people," he said, "they don't know what's going to hit them. I have them wrapped around my little fingers and they'll with they weren't."
He had Kagome strapped to a pole with her mouth tied up and wearing nothing but bandage wraps. She was bleeding furiously and nonstop, he had sunken his teet into her and drank out part of her life.
She wondered when she'd ever get any help, Inuyasha had been so busy with Reicheru she thought that he didn't care about her anymore.
"You stupid bitch," Sesshomaru snikeres, "you can't get away and no one gives a crap about you. No one will save you."
[*Snickers. Does the writer have a grudge against Kagome or something?]
"You just wait-" she cried "-Inuyasha will come and save me, INUYASHAAAAA!"
[Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!]
Back at the party... [In a hospital that's blander than plain tapioca thanks to the lack of descriptives...]
Reicheru was opening gifts for her baby, she was opening the gift from Shippo and Rin. "Oh, tank you," she said, "it's a heart-shaped necklace with a picture holder in it."
[You mean a locket.]
"Yes, and you get one, too. You can put pictures of your baby in it once it's born."
'It's so sad', Reicheru thought, 'my mother never gave me a necklace like this when I was a baby.'
"I think I know what to name the baby," Reicheru said, "I'll name it Tenshikuzu, which means Angel Dust in Japanese. It's inspired by her two godmothers."
"Ohhh thank youuuu!" Korra clapped her hands together and hugged Reicheru.
"Oh yes, thank you." Yuki smiled, her beautiful smile like fresh new snow. Suddenly Sesshomaru burst through the window and kidnapped Yuki.
[Just like that? It doesn't seem suprising or frightening.]
"Noooo!" Screamed Reicheru, "you will never hurt me again, you will have to fight me." She picked up a knife and threw it at Sesshomaru, barely scraping his cheeck.
"KILL ALL OF THEM!" Suddenly the room went black and everyone screamed in terror. Black mist surrounded them all and a terrible creature started slaughtering people.
When the mist went away the only person that was dead was Joken. His eyes were closed and blood was oozing from fang marks on his neck.
[The violence is too vague to be shocking or believable.]
"One of Sesshomaru's minons must have don't this." Rin picked up Joken's lifeless body and cradled it.
[*Minions; *Done. This far into the story, I'm not at all concerned for this guy-- or any of the characters for that matter.]
"Korra, why didn't you protect us?!?!" Reicheru shook her like a raggedy doll.
[A ragdoll, you mean.]
"I don't know what happened!" Korra cried, "everything was all out of my controll, I'm sorry I coudln't portect you and your half-sister."
[*Control; *Couldn't; *Protect.]
"You're an angel, Korra, you're suppose to protect people. You just havent found your strength yet. Unless you were wrong?"
[*Supposed; *Haven't. Oh Rei, don't you understand that angels aren't creatures of the night? They can't see shit in the dark.]
"No," Korra stood up, "I AM an angle! I'm not crazy! That's right, everyone, now you know my secret, I am PART ANGLE!"
Everyone except Reicheru gasped. "I can control light and I can cure people of disease, but I can't blood-bend. Reicheru has that gift, though."
[Acute, Right or Obtuse?]
Reicheru cupped her hand over her mouth, "you're right I can can't I?" She boldy stood up and went to Joken's body.
She concentrated her enegery on the blood on the floor and bended it back into his body, bringing him back to life. "I didn't know I could do this." she said.
[*Energy. And no, just no. That blood has all the icky stuff from the floor! It's contaminated!]
"It's your gift," Korra explained, "you can bring the dead back to life. No one else can do that, it's very rare and prized.
[It's a power found in the classic unicorn, phoenixes, genies, fairies and some others. But it's so rare --as you say-- I doubt those critters exist in the realm of this story.]
"I know what I must do" Reicheru stood up, "I can bring Kagome back to being normal. I am am part vampire with blood-bending powers, I can reverse the curse."
Inuyasha looked up at her, "I must go too for you and the baby."
"Alright then," she smiled at him with her golden cat eyes, "I knew I could count on you."
[I'm tempted to say that Rei is a Mary Sue, but I'm going to wait and see if there's more added onto her. Keep in mind, readers, Rei is pretty much a self-insert. She has more powers than personality. Seriously, I still barely know anything about this protagonist except her powers and appearance.]
Chapter 8 - The Trouble With Angles
[There's only trouble if you're bad at math.]
Inuyasha and Reicheru were taking the train to the place where Sesshomaru was hiding. Shippo and Rin were cuddling on the backsheat like hormeonal teenagers.
[*Hormonal. Why are there trains? Oh, never mind.]
The tracks on the train screached on the metal train tracks. It was a dark powerful day. The clouds loomed with the hint of everlasting doom and hate.
There was a sharp pain in Reicheru's lushious chest "something doesn't feel right," she said, "I can feel darkness inside the soul of one of us."
[Redundant language strikes yet again. Don't you check how you write before you post? It doesn't make the scene look any more powerful than you're trying to make it.]
"Don't be silly, Rei-Kun. Nobody here is going to hurt us we're all okay so don't worry I love you, that's all you need." Inuyashsa put his muscular, sexy arm around Reicheru.
[Is that a Beatles reference?]
"Thank you for being here Inuyasha-Kun. The baby needs his daddy around and you're his daddy. Don't leave us okay? Nya~" She grapped him on his waist. She felt so close to the earth.
[*Grabbed. More redundant phrasing detected. If hugging someone makes one feel close to the earth, does that mean one regards someone as dirt?]
The train stopped and the people started screaming in terror! Blood sprayed onto the seats and Rin.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?!!?" she screamed. "Who the HELL is doing this?!!" Gunshots was heard at the end of the train and slowly moving up to where the group was.
[Gunshots WERE heard.]
"GAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!" Alucard blew at Reicheru but she slapped it out of her way.
[She can slap air? Um, okay then. Why are you bringing Castlevania into this? JUST WHY? You've got characters from Hetalia, Inuyasha, Legend of Korra and your self insert already. Crossing more series doesn't make up for a bad plot nor does it make the fanfiction more cool.]
"Your not the only Demon here, Alucard." Reicheru stood up and glared him down.
"Your beauty will not stop me from killing you. I have personal orders from Sesshomaru to do away with your ass." He held up a double barrel gun at her face.
"Oh fuck you!" She screamed, "I'll kill you in an instant. Nya-on!"
[Using annoying onomatapoeia only makes people want to kill you more.]
"Don't do it, you're gregnant!" Inuyasha held her tight as if he were to never let go of her again. "You can't die! Let me do it." He got on his knees and howeled into the air.
"My sister is going to come and she will gonna kick your ass!" he howeled again until the blood streamed from his eyes. The skys grew grey and the stars sparkled.
[That's basically how sparkledogs fight. It's still no match for my rifle.]
She came riding on a white wolf and hoped into the train with her short brown hair. It was Princess Monokoke (her english name is Mary Laceheart.)
"Brother, you called?" she ran over to Inuyasha.
[Is that canon? Okay, I'm done asking those kinds of questions. I'm just going to see where this trainwreck goes. Joke not intended.]
"Yes Mary, you must kill this man- ALUCARD. He's trying to kill us all, especially Reicheru who's pregnant with my baby."
"I'll never let that happen." She took out a spear and her wolf snareled. "Human, you will die."
[Isn't Alucard a vampire? Did you know vampires and angels are technically not human?]
"No, don't kill him!" Reicheru put herself between the two. "I don't want him to die."
"Why not??" Mary snaped.
[Snape is not amused with you using his name in vain.]
"Because he's my cousin! We're both vampire-demons. We have the same mother."
[Having the same parent makes you a sibling, not a cousin.]
"Awww, trying to be nice to your older cousin? A little bit of family niceness? How stupid! I'm going to blow your sorry asshole." Alucard cursed and hissed.
[Actually, you owe me some braincells. Please humor me and let Alucard put his lips to her anus and exhale hard. It'll be much more fun to see her pop like a balloon.]
"We don't have to do this, Alu-chan. Just because you work for Sesshomaru doesn't mean you have to kill me. You used to love me. You used to love Yuki, too! Where is she!?"
"I don't care for our family relations anymore, and Yuki is all fucked up and asleep. I did her alot, and now she's into much pain to fight."" he smiled.
[Her vagina's sore then? LOL!]
"NOT SO FAST!!" Yuki suddenly came bursting through the window and jumped kicked him with Mary. "You asshole! You don't have sex very well, anyway. But thanks for the ride."
She used her angle wings to slap him off the cliff the train was riding next to. It was very bad ass. Mary Laceheart giggled with delight. Yuki flipped her white hair and smiled.
[You really like to misspell "angel", don't you? From now on, no more math jokes or corrections on that word. It's a lame running gag to me now.]
"Oh, I love to see them scream!" Mary smiled.
On the floor, Reicheru was feasting on the dead bodies. She was sucking the blood out of them, enough for two. Being pregnant makes her very hungry all the time.
"The baby needs to feed." Rei said. "Damn my cousin, he should've never tried to mess with me.
"Reicheru, we've got a problem!" Yuki sounded scarred. "It's Korra! She's not who we think she is."
[*Scared. Being scarred is another thing.]
"Oh no, that's definately Korra. She can bend fire, water, earth, air, and light."
"No no no no, that's not what I mean. Korra is working with Sesshomaru. She's under his control! She tortured me!"
[Of all character retcons, why this? Well, I guess it explains the incident where some Joker guy died.]
Reicheru got mad. "No she wouldn't do that! "
"She's the one that kidnapped me, Rei-kun! She's the one that killed Joken. We need to get rid of her!" she looked beautiful as she cried tears of sorrow.
"KORRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Reicheru screamed.
[KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Sorry, had to. Chapter 9 is missing due to it being removed by DA staff, so let's move onto 10.]
OMG! 10th CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanx to my viewers to have made it this far ^^ why won't anyone comment, tho? Cmon guys!
This is a chapter during the school-life of Reicheru.
Chapter 10 - School of the Demen's Rain
It was bright out and there were clouds in the sky at Akuma No Uta Highschool, the day almost seemed perfect to anyone inexperienced. But Reicheru knew better.
It was really akward back at school with Denmark. Reicheru, Inuyasha, and the others had failed to find Sesshomaru's secret cave. So she had to go back to school as normal.
Tooday there was a singing contest and everyone was nervous. A lot of people would join and a lot of people would lose. Reicheru, Yuki, and Minna were shitting at the lunch table, eating their lunches.
[Shitting? Please just be a hilarious typo. PLEASE!]
"Hey Rei-chan," Minna exclaimed, "I hear you're going out with Denmark but that you cheated on him with Inuyasha."
"Yeah, I kind of want to avoid them both at school today." Rei said sturring her mashed potatoes. "Inuyasha can visit his baby after I've had it."
[*Stirring. The character's in school? What the hell?! Isn't there a thing about not getting pregnant as a teen? Somebody call Maury Povich!]
Yuki put her hand on Rei's shoulder, "it'll be okay, Rei-Kun. Denmark will come to his senses and realize he loves you even though you may bare the child of Inuyasha."
[The word you're looking for is ... oh why bother?]
" Yeah, I hope he learns to understand me. I want things to go back to the way they were before Inuyasha ruined it." Rei felt a darkness loom in her heart, she knew that she couldnt' keep on this happy face.
[That's your brain telling you teen pregnancy isn't as cool as people make it sound.]
"Hey Rei-chan, you should go for the singing contest. You have a beautifurl voice. You know? I can see you winning!" Minna held her finger up and said happily.
[*Beautiful. Wait, is Minna "special"? Ermagerd!]
"I couldnt' do that..." Rei turned away as she began to silently cry tears of saddness over her whole situation.
"Don't be modest! You have the voice of an angle!" Minna cheered.
"Yeah, that's right- you have a better voice than me and I'M an angle." Yuki smiled.
Rei rested her hand on her belly: she could feel the baby move. Some girl was walking by when she tripped and her tray and food landed all over Reicheru.
Through the spaghetti and mashed potatoes Rei could see who it was. It was Lucy.
[Lucy! I'm home! *Gets shot for bad joke*]
"Hey!" Reicheru screamed, "whach where your going you red haired bimbo."
"To be honest I'm not very sorry." Lucy graciously picked up her tray. "You don't want to mess with me, Rei. I'm a blood bender too, and a better one than you. And I can use my horns to ram you like a bull if I want."
[FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!]
"Yeah but you lost your powers." Reicheru smirked. "You cant use your fancy invisible hands anymore not after what I did to you."
[What? Oh noes! I actually feel bad for Lucy.]
Lucy threw her tray down "I don't want to talk about that! SO SHUT UP!" Lucy ran away crying, her red hair flowing in the wind like silky blood.
"Whoa Rei, what did you do to her." Minna looked surprised.
"She bit her and turned her into a vampire, after seducing her of course." Yuki continued, "now that she's undead she can't use her four arm soles to kill people. Life really sucks for her now."
[*Souls. Wow, why would Rei be a lesbo bitch to some girl? This is an offense to lesbians everywhere! Also, why does being turned into a vampire make Lucy lose that power?]
"No way! Rei is this true??" Minna gasped.
"Yeah..." Reicheru pulled the spaghetti off her pregnant belly. "She had it comming to her. Everyone wants her dead anyway."
[*Coming. So Rei's just being a bitch to a ginger for the sake of it? I sense that the whole "gingers have no souls" is going on here.]
The bell rang and it was time to go to class. The teacher was waiting at the chalk bored as the students flooded in like a pool of blood. They all sat down and waited.
"Good morning class" the teacher said, "I see we have a full room today. No one is sick." he chuckled and smiled. He couldn't happen to help but to notice Rei, Yuki, and Minna in their tight school uniforms.
He was mainly focused on Reicheru's nice curvy body. Her cute little cat ears perked up when he spoke to her. "Alright, Rei tell me what 45(x-90)/3 is? In your head!"
[Why a pervy teacher? That's cliche and not funny. Some kids really do get sexually assaulted by teachers. Have you heard about the Sandusky case?]
Reicheru thought for a mere 5 seconds, "-1335x, sir."
[Are you sure that's correct?]
He smiled, "well talent and looks, I'm glad to have someone like you in my class Rei-chan."
She blushed, "o-oh thank you sensei."
"Have you though of joining the singing contest. I couldn't help but hear your singing in the girl's bathroom on the way to the class room and it sounded beautiful."
"Oh no, I don't think I'll be doing that." Rei tried to hide her face in her collar.
"You don't have a choice, Rei." Minna smiled.
She took out a pencil and cutely nibbled on it,"Cause I signed you up!"
[I actually hate it when people do that. The chapter was pretty interesting and there was some character development. Stay tuned for the third part of the review!]
Reicheru-Ketsueki is the author of the fanfic being reviewed. My comments are in the italics.
I wish no harm against the author.
I wish no harm against the author.
There were parts of this where I just lost it. I had to stop eating and drinking just to laugh pretty hard.
Don't be so mean
You forgot to add straight angles. Don't be so angle-ist. THERE'S A STRAIGHT ANGLE TOO.
Don't be so mean
You forgot to add straight angles. Don't be so angle-ist. THERE'S A STRAIGHT ANGLE TOO.